So often we focus on our partner’s behavior that we would like to see change.
“He doesn’t pay attention to me.”
“He won’t help out around the house.”
“He just doesn’t put in the effort anymore.”
Do any of those sound remotely familiar? Many of us have said one of these phrases (or a version of it) either to ourself or someone else about our partner. It’s normal! But, if you want to change it, let’s explore what you can do about it.
How can we make change in our relationship without our partner participating? Well, we can’t. BUT, our partner doesn’t need to participate in the coaching, course or research that we’re doing for change to occur. Our partner only needs to actively participate in the relationship. Don’t get me wrong, when a couple participates in coaching together, faster and more substantial progress can be made. Nevertheless, my typical clientele is one person in the relationship doing coaching without their partner and I’m telling you, SIGNIFICANT RELATIONSHIP CHANGE can still happen. I break it down to my clients in a 5-Step process and it all starts by focusing on yourself.
It’s imperative that we begin to identify what we want. Without knowing that, we’re kind of aimlessly wandering. We need to know what we want so that we’re motivated to do the work it takes to actually have what we want.
Next, we need to get working on a more mentally, emotionally, and physically healthy version of ourself. We begin to develop healthy habits. As we learned in the ‘How Attraction Works’ article, we can’t have a healthy relationship without becoming a healthy individual. It’s time to put away any excuses and start rolling up our sleeves.
The next step in the process is identifying pieces of yourself (still focusing only on you) that affect your relationship like your needs, wants, boundaries, etc. By going through this self-identification process, we’re able to more easily pinpoint what’s off balance in our relationship.
Only once we know what’s off balance can we begin to cultivate our communication skills. We’re aiming to achieve assertive (not aggressive) communication. This allows us to learn to talk with our partner more openly and with less arguing.
Lastly, we want to create connection and establish a relationship plan. There may be several areas of our relationships that need our attention. By having a plan to ensure that both partner’s needs and concerns are addressed, we can begin to have the intimacy we really want and deserve.
Of course, what’s explained above is an extremely simplified version of the process. Having a coach, mentor or guide to help us through the nuances of the process is where we receive the most benefit. I truly don‘t believe that I would be where I’m at without my own. She’s my Yoda, my Dumbledore, my emotional Sherpa. I’m able to put my ego aside and admit that shouldering the weight of life’s problems isn’t something that I need to take on alone. You don’t have to either. If you’re ready to let me help guide you through the process to start getting what you want from your love-life, you can book your free call now.