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Figuring Out What You Want

Before starting to make change in your relationship, it helps to become clear on what you want from your relationship. As we’re all different and the relationship that we have with our partner is unique, there isn’t necessarily a one-size-fits-all scenario for what an intimate relationship should look like.


Think about cooking. I could have 8 ingredients in a basket. Let’s say I put in: butter, flour, eggs, broth, baking powder, salt, milk and sugar. Some people would make cakes or cookies out of those ingredients and others would make biscuits and gravy with eggs. Yes, just like a delicious recipe, there may be similar ingredients to intimate relationships but depending on how you combine them, you might make a totally different dish than someone else. This is why it’s important to figure out what an intimate relationship looks like for YOU.

When thinking about your dream relationship scene, some things to think about may be:

How do and your partner talk to or treat one another?

How much time do you spend together?

What are the kind of activities that you do together?

What are the things that you both highly value as a couple?

What does your future look like together?


Maybe you and your partner both enjoy humor so you want to joke and have fun together. Maybe you’re both very driven and career-oriented and can only spend 1 hour per day together. Okay...how are you going to make that time meaningful? If you and your partner both value adventure, maybe tandem sky-diving is in your future. If you and your partner both value community, maybe you begin a local non-profit that brings your community together. What are the commonalities that you can both bond over while accepting each other exactly as you are?


My point is, how do you intend to move forward in making change to your relationship if you’re not clear on what you want? Figuring out what you want is an integral step in the process. It’s important to accept what you want without judgment. Nothing is too silly. Nothing is too outlandish. Nothing that you want to better your relationship means that you’re not grateful for what you already have. Whatever it is that’s coming forward, embrace it.


By beginning to explore what our ideal sense of intimacy looks like, we begin to become aware of what our relationship future could look like and the possibilities are endless! Then, it’s just a matter of turning those possibilities into goals and establishing a plan to make it happen. So, when it comes to your relationship, dream big. This is your inner-most desire for connection and intimacy, we’re talking about. It should be given the room to be explored and expressed. Again, you deserve it!


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