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Getting Clear on What You Want

Many of us have experienced a relationship, or point in our relationship, that we were longing for something to change. We can usually sense when something is missing, but in the chaos of trying to keep up with the daily grind of life, it’s not uncommon for that inkling to be dismissed. In today’s society, most of us are busy as hell. What often happens is that our desires get pushed to the back-burner so everything else that “needs” to get done, can take center stage. That tends to mean that our desire for intimacy is lacking, which can be detrimental to us in the long-run.


I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. At our core, we’re primitive beings and our primal brain is wired for survival. Survival is more easily achieved if our “tribe” is bigger because it means more people to hunt, gather and ward off predators. Well, how do we have a bigger tribe? Intimacy and connection. So, our desire for intimacy is ultimately a very basic need. Yet, today, we chalk it up as “want” more than a “need”, then wonder why we feel empty or lonely at times.


As time has gone on, our world has evolved but our basic needs have not. It’s clear that some things need to change to make sure that we’re making ourselves a priority to successfully get through this crazy thing called life. If we don’t, we’re doing ourselves a grave disservice. Before we jump in and start taking action though, we should become very clear on what we want from our relationship so that we can ensure that our intimacy needs will be met.


We’re all different and the relationship that we’ll have with our partner is unique. There isn’t a one-size-fits-all scenario for what an intimate relationship should look like. This is why it’s important to figure out what an intimacy looks like for YOU. How do you experience connection? We can usually tell when we feel connected with someone else, but without consciously knowing how we perceive love, we’re blindly waiting for it to just happen. Our awareness can play a huge role in influencing the connection we feel and our needs being met.


Beyond just getting clear on how you experience intimacy, what specifically would you like to improve about your relationship? Is there something you feel is lacking? Have you been tolerating behavior that you shouldn’t be? What can go from good to better? What relationship goals do you want to set? What do you want your relationship to look like 20 years down the road? There are lots of areas of our relationship that we can explore to help us gain clarity.


As we navigate what we want and what our ideal sense of intimacy looks like, we begin to realize that the possibilities of our relationship future are endless! It’s just a matter of turning those possibilities into goals and establishing a plan to make it happen. So, when it comes to your relationship, allow yourself to dream big. This is your inner-most desire for connection and intimacy, we’re talking about. It should be explored and expressed. You deserve that.

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Before starting to make change in your relationship, it helps to become clear on what you want from your relationship. As we’re all different and the relationship that we have with our partner is uniq