“I want a good guy but all that I attract is jerks!”
“She was just way too needy.”
“I like a bad boy but it never works out.”
Most people seem to be completely in the dark on the understanding of how attraction works. Of course we would be! It’s not like they’re teaching this stuff in school. There is phenomenon around the idea of attraction in general. You may have heard people talk about the Law of Attraction or manifestation which describes the process of attracting what we put out. If we put out positivity, we’ll attract positivity. Conversely, if we put on negativity, we get negativity. While that’s not exactly the science of how attraction works in relationships, it’s not wrong either.
The funny thing about awareness is that it can’t be taken away. Once we know something, we can’t un-know it. So, we may need to brace ourselves for the impact of this knowledge-bomb. Here’s how attraction works in a nutshell: The healthier of a person that we are, the healthier of a person that we will attract. That’s it! Healthy people attract healthy people. Some people might be thinking, “That can’t be true. I’m a healthy person and I still attract jerks.” Well, I have some bad news...you might not be as healthy as you think you are.
Now, please don’t shoot the messenger! I’m a coach and my business is to empower people and lift them up, not tear them down. However, sometimes empowerment means shattering a false sense of truth so we can learn and grow. It means showing people that there may be a more effective way to ultimately get what we want.
So, what proof is there that this is how attraction works? Let’s look at the facts. Becoming mentally, emotionally and physically healthy means a few different things. Being mentally and emotionally healthy requires us to know our limits, create boundaries, work through past pain, continuously process our emotions, know what actions and behaviors are good for us, and so much more. Being physically healthy requires us to eat well, exercise, address our medical concerns, get good sleep, hydrate, etc. The process of becoming healthy on a grand scale requires work. Continuous work. Healthy people know that. Healthy people have done the work to more easily recognize unhealthy behavior and choose not to engage with it. That’s part of what makes them healthy. Other less healthy people tend to struggle to identify unhealthy behavior, don’t know how to handle it, make excuses for it, dismiss it, tolerate it, or accept it as their fault.
The good news? We have the power to change who we’re attracting by learning healthy tools, techniques and relationship habits to deal with unhealthy people. Our relationship future is completely within our control. While it’s true that we’ll never have the ability to control how others behave, we can choose to love and respect ourselves by setting boundaries of what we will and won’t tolerate. As we learn to do that for ourselves, we will change what we let into our life and what we allow to stay there.