Many of us have been through hurtful relationships. I get it. They’re hard! For many of us, hurtful doesn’t even begin to describe the extent of the trauma that we faced. Cheating, abandonment, abuse, neglect, gaslighting…these are just some of the things we may have dealt with in our relationship past. And let me be frank here, they’re not easy to get over. When dealing with any of these kinds of behaviors, what is likely happening is that our core wounds are being triggered. What I mean by “core wounds” is that on a deep subconscious level, we're afraid that: 1. We’re not good enough; 2. We’re not lovable; 3. We’re not worthy; or a combination thereof.
By not addressing these core wounds, we’re allowing our past to stick with us and carry it along as baggage. Some people will carry that baggage with them the rest of their lives. That shit is heavy! Put it down! I know far too many AMAZING people who are single because they would rather avoid their past than address it. They would rather deal with not having a partner at all than putting themselves out there again and risk being hurt. You know who you are. I can’t tell you how sad this makes me. Love is always a risk. Opening yourself up to others always comes with the risk of getting hurt. BUT, the risk is worth the reward. I have found that those who work on their self-awareness and follow their intuition (which many of us haven’t been taught to do very well), tend to do better within their relationships, both romantic and otherwise.
The bottom line is that when we let someone into our life and into our heart, only for it to result in heartache, we often lose trust in ourself. We believe that we’re flawed at, or even incapable of practicing good judgment (which is complete B.S.). We’re effectively allowing another person’s behavior to dictate what we are allowing for ourself. Are you picking up on how inappropriate that is? WE are letting ANOTHER PERSON affect what WE want for OURSELF. Now, what’s wrong with that picture? What’s wrong is that if we allow ourselves to be in that mindset and live our life that way, we’ll never find happiness. There will always be people out there that need to tear others down in order to build themselves up. And if we allow ourselves to become collateral damage of miserable people, then we haven’t quite figured out something that can change our life…THAT WE’RE WORTHY. We’re worthy of love. We’re worthy of happiness. We
’re worthy of good things.
It’s time to start working on our mindset. It’s time to admit that we deserve more. We deserve better than what we’ve had in the past and we deserve better than just dealing with loneliness. It’s a very primal instinct for us to want to share our life with a partner. And by denying that that desire exists within us, we are ultimately doing ourselves a disservice. It’s only by processing our past and admitting to ourselves that WE WANT MORE, that we can step into a place of being open to a future of getting the kind of things that we deserve. Allow that for yourself.